I’m not crazy…

14 Jul

It’s official. Yay me!

Given my dizzy bitch behavior and recent panic attacks, all my friends and family (well, all but one) said I absolutely must get some “therapy” now that I’ve separated. It’ll help me understand the “process” and give me clarity into what I’m “feeling”.

The old me would totally scoff at that idea. I mean, I didn’t talk to any of my friends or family before I blurted out on the dance floor “I don’t want to be married…” so why would I open my head for shrinking and mind fucking now?

Well, cuz the new me is more open minded… 😉

So I made an appointment with a psychologist to evaluate the level and depth of my need for counseling. It was today. She told me she would ask questions that had nothing to do with my medical history – things like “so what prompted you to blurt that out right then?” and “have you ever said or done anything inappropriate before?”

Anyhoohaw, after talking to me for 30 minutes she said “I’m not hearing that you are upset about the separation or worried about the process… what I’m hearing is that you have anxiety and aren’t breathing. Does this sound about right to you?”

Maybe just half-insane?

She said it in this way that made me feel both relieved and understood. Leaving my husband wasn’t easy but my biggest problems right now are stemming from the stress of the last year in coming to this point.

I don’t sleep well, I’m restless, and I’m not breathing right (she says this is normal thank fucking gawd) – all contributing to symptoms that have made me feel debilitated and embarrassed to a large degree. I mean c’mon now, I hyperventilated in front of someone recently (I will NOT go into details on that one!)

So as I search for meditation classes to find some fucking zen, I can say with absolute certainty “I’m not crazy”. Well, not any more than normal.

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5 Responses to “I’m not crazy…”

  1. shoutabyss July 14, 2011 at 6:29 pm #

    It’s a good session when you realize at least one thing new about yourself. Well done! Moving and separation are two major life stressors. You likely have even more. Some symptoms until you’ve effectively dealt killed off the stressors is to be expected.

    There have been times I’ve had many life stressors on me and didn’t even realize it. I was too busy dealing with symptoms. The good news is that they will pass.

  2. omawarisan July 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

    Making and making it to that appointment is huge. Congrats on having what it took to do that.

    • Lisa July 26, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

      Thanks for your kind words. I find myself blurting out to random people “I left my marriage”. In fact, just yesterday I told the clerk at Whole Foods it’s been over five weeks now. He’s a ginger with a very long beard and he just looked at me and said “that’ll be $28.73.” I bet HE thinks I’m crazy.

  3. duncanr July 30, 2011 at 3:25 am #

    The American reliance on psychologists to tell them how to get on with their life constantly perplexes me (and I speak as an ex-psychologist myself).

    Your friends and family know you far better than any psychologist will ever do. If you are feeling ‘lost’, get together with your friends, buy them a few bottles of wine and listen to what they tell you. You’ll get far better, and more useful, advice – and it will cost you less money – than if you go to a psychologist

    Just saying !!! 😆

    P.S. followed a link on Blogdramedy to find you here

    • duncanr July 30, 2011 at 3:26 am #

      P.P.S. – nice legs !!! 😉

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