He’s dating now…

5 Sep

This weekend the estranged hubby un-friended me on Facebook. I wasn’t surprised by this but it caught me off guard. Sorta.

I thought a lot about this yesterday and surmised it’s because he’s meeting new people women and didn’t want me seeing their online chit chat. Or maybe it’s because he didn’t want me drooling over his food porn.

For those of you who know me or him, we’re both foodies. And yes, his food is delicious and he plates it all perty like.

So it could have been that.

But I decided to ask him directly this morning. He told me he didn’t want to see my updates actually, but yes, he’s dating now. Not one particular lady apparently, but playing the field. These are my words – he kept it more succinct. “Yes, I’m dating.”

When I told my mother my suspicions yesterday, she tried to be objectively parental.

Mom: So how will you feel if he is dating?

Me: I don’t know, Mom. I kind of hope he is.

Mom: Why? This woman will take your place.

Me: I left my place three months ago. But that’s a good point. He won’t let me bring The Rockstar to the cabin…

Yes, crimson sheets...

Mom: Do you think he’s bringing women home and into your bed?

Me: It’s not my bed anymore Mom. I have a brand new, queen size, $1500 bed to prove it.

Mom: You know what I mean.

Me: {sigh} I think it’d be good for him to find a nice woman and laugh some.

Mom: It’s really over, isn’t it.

Me: Yes.

When I left, I decided to take one day at a time. Breathe some. Find me. Take pictures. Learn guitar. Sing again.

Yesterday afternoon, I’m sitting on my patio with The Rockstar and just relaxing. He’s teaching me how to relax. It’s so counter-intuitive to my very nature that I’m struggling with and warring against it. I’m just so used to being in perpetual motion.

I’m liking the “do nothing” concept. For now.

So I’m sitting on my patio, got my iPad on my lap, listening to Grace Potter and I decide to belt one out. Shitfuck, I’m out of tune. I need to practice more. But weirdly enough, singing in front of The Rockstar (even out of tune) didn’t make me feel self-conscious like it used to in front of other people. Hmm.

The past month and a half have been such a whirlwind of finding an apartment, moving in, buying furniture and basic household stuff that I’ve not given me any time to work on me.

And now that he’s dating, and as the colors begin to change in both of our lives, I can’t help but think as seasons change, and people with them, if you’re lucky you’ll find yourself awash in vivid colors and amidst people who fill your space with warmth. And laughter. Because, after all, without laughter, what’s the point?


8 Responses to “He’s dating now…”

  1. kim September 5, 2011 at 7:24 pm #

    love this one!!!!!!

    • Lisa September 5, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

      Thanks Kimmie K. Time and whatnot heal all right?

  2. shoutabyss September 6, 2011 at 12:13 am #

    It probably depends on the circumstances if you should be Facebook “friends” with an ex. If the parting was amicable and you both want to, then I see no reason why not. As with all things you should keep in your life what is beneficial and omit the rest. (Wow, I sound so wise.)

    Personally I’ve done it both ways. One of my exes is a Facebook contact and I consider her a valuable friend. We don’t chit chat all the time or anything, but we can if we want. Since we were in love once, I don’t find this all that odd. On the other hand, another of my exes completely cut me out of her life the instant we mutually decided to end it, and I’ve never heard from her since. And that’s okay, too.

    So much wisdom! Then again, it’s the middle of the night and I’m knocking back shots of tequila in the hopes of falling asleep, so what the hell do I know?

    • Lisa September 6, 2011 at 9:55 am #

      I think for now, being FB friends is a huge stretch for us. And while we are being very amicable with one another, it’s just too soon to read what the other is doing. Who knows, maybe if he does some tequila shots when he’s fighting insomnia, he’ll re-friend me. (BTW, did it work?)

  3. Roxie September 6, 2011 at 6:09 am #

    There is something liberating about the Ex coupling, because the unstated pressure to hold a place for him is over. There’s someone else. Although it’s been over for a long time, having another woman or women around makes it so obvious to the outside world — meaning our families. So now it’s not just us saying it’s over. It is apparent to the naked eye.

    • Lisa September 6, 2011 at 9:57 am #

      Yes, that is exactly it. I’ve been the villain and everyone has been holding out hope that we would reconcile. So now that he’s dating, I’m no longer the reason we are separated. Thanks for your insight!!

  4. Kim September 9, 2011 at 8:34 am #

    Beautiful post. I must tell you I was teary when you wrote that you could sing off key in front of The Rockstar. Then the comments with your mom were priceless. Enjoy your new season.

  5. Nicki September 14, 2011 at 3:50 am #

    This is probably my favorite post from you…ever. So strong. So secure. So together. You’re finding you. You’re being.

    Thanks for sharing such deeply moving experiences.


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