Archive | October, 2011

Tip toeing away…

17 Oct

Maybe they won't notice...

“Marriages don’t die with a bang. They quietly tip toe away and are gone before you know they left. Marriages die slowly under the gradually rising wave of distracted indifference.” I read this in Psychology Today and it’s very true. I just didn’t know how distracted I was and didn’t notice it tip-toeing away.

So anyhoohaw… last Thursday I went to the hubby’s house to pick up the dogs for a nice long weekend at the cabin with The Rockstar. (It was fabulous by the way! So much relaxing, hot tubbing, and cuddling with the furries!!) Now, the hubby warned me in advance that his new “roommate” was going to be moving in. You see, to offset some of my “living on my own” expenses, we both agreed that he’d have to rent the Guest Room at the house.

So he did. Rent the room that is. To a 28 year old woman. I met her. She’s shorter than me (I’d hate it if she were taller), about my size (which means she’s very thin) with long blonde curly hair. Did I mention that she’s 28 years old?

It got me thinking about how I feel about some woman living in my house (ok, technically it IS my house (half anyway) even though I don’t live there anymore). I mean, this woman is using my desk, playing with my dogs, and she’s got stuff in the kitchen too. So yeah, not sure how I feel about this new “situation.”

Speaking of stuff in the kitchen…

Last night I went back to the house to drop the dogs off. I told the hubby I’d be there around 5:30p. He asked me to text him when I was a couple exits away, so he could leave and not see me.

Yes, folks – the hubby doesn’t talk to me on the phone. Hasn’t seen me since I left 4 months ago. We talk via text and email. It works for now.

So I pull into the drive and I can see the kitchen lights on, the hubby leaning on the kitchen island counter with a glass of wine, and a bottle on the island.

I think to myself “Oh, wow. He must be ready to face me.

I gird my loins, check my lipstick (I am vain after all), grab the dogs, and walk in the front door.

I’m literally one foot in the doorway and call out “Hi There!” and I get no response.

What? Did he disappear?

Instead, I hear “Ohhhhh, hi Sparky” from the kitchen. From the new “roommate”.

Who, just as obvious, was drinking a bottle of wine in the kitchen with the ghost of my hubby.

I lifted my foot back out the door, closed it quietly behind me, and tip toed back to my car and left.

As I drove back to my condo I realized I wasn’t the only one who’s been tip toeing away. There appears to be a pattern here…

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Finding my nemo…

12 Oct

Stealing some inspiration from SingleMomDate, whose last post was a top 10 list to a happier life, I’m gonna do likewise. With the focus of course on how I’m ‘finding me’ 4 months after I split from the hubby.

You see, when I left, my goals were simple: kill my own spiders, figure out what was going to make me happy, take time for me.

The path to enlightenment is not always a straight line. OK, I do kill my own spiders (except for the Daddy Long legs in my shower, cuz he’s waaaaay up in a corner and not bothering me), but I’ve been a bit busy with setting up the new life to figure everything out – yet. Anyhoohaw, here’s what I’ve learned, my top 5 new things about me:

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1. I suck at math

I am pretty enterprising. I can alter my clothes and have a great eye for things that are uneven, but don’t ask me to figure out how to hang something on a wall. Yeah, measure twice and all that bullshit, but the reality is, I have no idea how to divide uneven numbers with fractions. The putty covering my mistakes is proof of that. But while I recognize I suck at math, I now know how to hide a hole in the wall. WINNING.

2. I look for problems

It’s a strength and a weakness, but one that is necessary at work. I have business partners who are dreamers. They want to build the Taj Majal on this website and while that would be perty darned amazeballs, it will take us longer to build than it took Michaelangelo to paint the Sisteen Chapel. What I’ve learned is I’m a good forecaster and I can articulate the problems we’d need to solve. For this, I get gold stars at work. In my personal life, it’s kind of a Debbie Downer. One thing at a time babycakes.

3. I have good taste

When I decorated my big ole house, I consulted with a designer on my color palette. Earth tones and rich hues are my gig. Still are now that my condo is coming together. I’m sitting at my kitchen table (mahogany wood with 4 suede chairs – each a different color: sage, cinnamon, taupe, rust) admiring my flower arrangement which complements my table and the ‘art’ on the wall. The art is a hodge-podge of decorative plates. Yes, plates. I thought my style would be different now that I’m separated from his influences, but in reality, I have realized it was my influence the whole time. I haz good taste.

4. I like the silence

I spend a lot of time with The Rockstar and am finding that waking up early in the morning is good for me. In the past, when I’d wake up (sometimes at 4am and not able to sleep), I’d be restless and angry. And while I don’t have those stressed out early wake up calls anymore, getting up and sitting on my patio, drinking coffee while The Rockstar is sleeping is a sort of peaceful thing for me. I listen to the birds, the breeze through the trees, and reflect on me. So silence is welcome at this stage. *shhhh*

5. I don’t have to do it

I’ve been told I’m like a cat. Easily distracted and gone the next minute. I’m used to getting shit done. Right then. Oooh, laundry is ready to be folded *runs across the room*. Oooh, need to pick up my mail *grabs mail key and runs to the mailroom*. But I’ve found that it’s okay to wait. I don’t have to do everything right now. I want to paint a couple walls here but am allowing myself some time to figure out which ones and what colors. I needed to hang a shelf for my dresser lamps, but it’s okay and can wait. And while the dishes absolutely should be done shortly after using them, it’s okay to let them dry in the rack. That’s what I call learning to live in the moment.

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Thinking about how my life is changing, I expected a big bang *boom* life change. It hasn’t happened. Yes, my living situation changed big bang, but me as a person, it’s happening more slowly. And that’s okay – it’s a bit like sailing I suppose. The journey requires tacking when the wind changes, correcting the course as needed, and not getting hijacked by pirates.

Ummm - Squeeeeee??

I don’t know where this journey will end, how long it will take, or what I’m gonna find along the way.

But for now, I’m just happy to set sail, find my nemo, and live happier ever after.

**I will not be defined or confined. Ever. Again.**