Finding my nemo…

Stealing some inspiration from SingleMomDate, whose last post was a top 10 list to a happier life, I’m gonna do likewise. With the focus of course on how I’m ‘finding me’ 4 months after I split from the hubby.

You see, when I left, my goals were simple: kill my own spiders, figure out what was going to make me happy, take time for me.

The path to enlightenment is not always a straight line. OK, I do kill my own spiders (except for the Daddy Long legs in my shower, cuz he’s waaaaay up in a corner and not bothering me), but I’ve been a bit busy with setting up the new life to figure everything out – yet. Anyhoohaw, here’s what I’ve learned, my top 5 new things about me:

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1. I suck at math

I am pretty enterprising. I can alter my clothes and have a great eye for things that are uneven, but don’t ask me to figure out how to hang something on a wall. Yeah, measure twice and all that bullshit, but the reality is, I have no idea how to divide uneven numbers with fractions. The putty covering my mistakes is proof of that. But while I recognize I suck at math, I now know how to hide a hole in the wall. WINNING.

2. I look for problems

It’s a strength and a weakness, but one that is necessary at work. I have business partners who are dreamers. They want to build the Taj Majal on this website and while that would be perty darned amazeballs, it will take us longer to build than it took Michaelangelo to paint the Sisteen Chapel. What I’ve learned is I’m a good forecaster and I can articulate the problems we’d need to solve. For this, I get gold stars at work. In my personal life, it’s kind of a Debbie Downer. One thing at a time babycakes.

3. I have good taste

When I decorated my big ole house, I consulted with a designer on my color palette. Earth tones and rich hues are my gig. Still are now that my condo is coming together. I’m sitting at my kitchen table (mahogany wood with 4 suede chairs – each a different color: sage, cinnamon, taupe, rust) admiring my flower arrangement which complements my table and the ‘art’ on the wall. The art is a hodge-podge of decorative plates. Yes, plates. I thought my style would be different now that I’m separated from his influences, but in reality, I have realized it was my influence the whole time. I haz good taste.

4. I like the silence

I spend a lot of time with The Rockstar and am finding that waking up early in the morning is good for me. In the past, when I’d wake up (sometimes at 4am and not able to sleep), I’d be restless and angry. And while I don’t have those stressed out early wake up calls anymore, getting up and sitting on my patio, drinking coffee while The Rockstar is sleeping is a sort of peaceful thing for me. I listen to the birds, the breeze through the trees, and reflect on me. So silence is welcome at this stage. *shhhh*

5. I don’t have to do it

I’ve been told I’m like a cat. Easily distracted and gone the next minute. I’m used to getting shit done. Right then. Oooh, laundry is ready to be folded *runs across the room*. Oooh, need to pick up my mail *grabs mail key and runs to the mailroom*. But I’ve found that it’s okay to wait. I don’t have to do everything right now. I want to paint a couple walls here but am allowing myself some time to figure out which ones and what colors. I needed to hang a shelf for my dresser lamps, but it’s okay and can wait. And while the dishes absolutely should be done shortly after using them, it’s okay to let them dry in the rack. That’s what I call learning to live in the moment.

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Thinking about how my life is changing, I expected a big bang *boom* life change. It hasn’t happened. Yes, my living situation changed big bang, but me as a person, it’s happening more slowly. And that’s okay – it’s a bit like sailing I suppose. The journey requires tacking when the wind changes, correcting the course as needed, and not getting hijacked by pirates.

Ummm - Squeeeeee??

I don’t know where this journey will end, how long it will take, or what I’m gonna find along the way.

But for now, I’m just happy to set sail, find my nemo, and live happier ever after.

**I will not be defined or confined. Ever. Again.**