Archive | June, 2012

One year ago…

15 Jun

One year ago, I packed a bag for a weekend. I didn’t know I’d never go back.

One year ago, I officially ran away from home.

From my life. From my husband. From our life. The one that I no longer felt was mine.

After telling the hubby that I didn’t want to be married anymore, we both talked about how we’d get through this. When we came back from Cabo I told him I would be sleeping in the guest room, but that we should continue to work out together in the mornings in our home gym and eat dinner together. More than anything, I craved my space. Since we had a cabin to escape to, he suggested I go there on the weekends so I’d have this space.

I was feeling claustrophobic by this point. I couldn’t breathe. The stress was so heavy and I was so conflicted.

You know, despite everything, this man, my hubby, trying to cope with everything I dumped on him, was doing his very best to give me what he thought I needed. Space. Time apart.

One year ago, I said goodbye to him in the morning as I left. No goodbye kiss. No hug.

Earlier this year, our marriage marked year 25. Yes, 25 years of marriage. Much of it unbelievably happy. This man can make me laugh and was always proud to have me on his arm. Our love and commitment was envied by everyone who knew us, the couple. Somewhere along the way, I don’t know what happened. I just changed. And this change took me away from wanting to be in that life. That life I built with him. The one that grew our business and built our homes and wealth.

One year ago, I walked away and didn’t look back.

Today is a poignant day for me.

I saw him this morning. I picked up the butterball, Sparky, for the weekend. He was still home. There was not a stitch of awkwardness. He showed me his inflamed arm (some sort of kinky infection I imagine *wink*) and we talked about his recent sky diving adventure with his girlfriend and her kids. It was, in fact, two friends quickly catching up.

I don’t know if he knows what today signifies. On our wedding anniversary this year, he texted me “do you know what today is?”. So maybe he does.

One year ago, it all ended. Or imploded. However you want to look at it.

The book of “Steve and Lisa, The Couple” is finished. The sequel, “Steve and Lisa, Friends” is just beginning. Over the past year, we’ve had quite the journey, and each chapter has shown that we continue to move forward, in different and opposite ways, yet still completely connected.

I wouldn’t change this for the world. I love him. Maybe not in the same way that married people need to be in love, but this man has and will mean everything to me for a long time to come. I actually think that my running away was the best thing for both of us. It’s allowed him to find happiness again.

One year ago, I hated myself for hurting him.

And now, one year later, we start anew.┬áThis is – the most serendipitous experience.