With puffy eyes…

13 Aug

Wake up. Exercise. Shower. Cry. Work. Eat. Drink. Cry. Sleep.


18 days ago, my love affair with Rock ended.

Since then, I’ve been trying to cope with this loss. There are moments where I’m completely focused and on my game at work and then there are days like today, where I wake up and start crying in my coffee, feeling lonely and grieving hard. It’s 11:00a and I am so sad today I cannot read my email. I’ve decided to give up, give in to my despair, and go home to my lonely condo.

My  assistant is the best and I am so lucky to have her. She’s rescheduling my day, which is incredibly difficult to do and she’s even going to monitor my emails for critical items requiring my attention. Her name is Venus and she is an absolute goddess. Thank Goddess for her.

I know it won’t always be like this.  I take comfort in the fact that I will start to feel better soon. Maybe I’ll have something to smile about later today, or possibly tomorrow. Or the next day.

My best friend gave me some touch stones over the weekend. Courage, Healing Heart, and Love. Right now, I’m clutching Courage to my aching chest and hoping it won’t fail me again. It’s incredibly difficult to be courageous and start over. She promises me that one day, my heart will heal and I will feel love again.

Today however, I’m just taking it minute by minute. With puffy eyes, a red nose and running mascara.


11 Responses to “With puffy eyes…”

  1. twistedlola August 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    I cried for days, weeks, months. I cried yesterday, and it’s been 8 months. The jags don’t last as long, but it’s a loss that will never go away. I feel your pain, and be kind to yourself right now. Love the stones too. xoxo

    • Lisa August 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

      {{{Hugs}}} Thank you so much for finding me. Sharing pain is not easy or fun. I’m so thankful for my online friends who share their stories and hopes with me. *mwah*

  2. ifUseekAmy August 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    It’s okay to cry. Let it out. Eventually the tears will dry up. And then they’ll flow again for the most random thing. But it’s ALL OK.

    As twistedlola said, be kind to yourself and make sure to take extra special care of yourself.

    • Lisa August 14, 2012 at 5:13 pm #

      I’m in search of a wellness retreat. I need some ME time to heal and find my focus again. A little zen time is just what the doctor ordered. Thank you for your kind words.

  3. stilllearning2b August 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    Let the tears flow. They make room for the joy.

    • Lisa August 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm #

      I’ve realized that I’m not just grieving the loss of just one very important man in my life, but two. I never took the time to grieve the loss of my husband. I suspect the tears will continue to flow for sometime.

      • stilllearning2b August 14, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

        It’s so often the case that one loss brings up another. Thinking of you…

  4. Blogdramedy August 14, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

    Hold on hard then let go easy. It takes a while to learn this is the only way to move through life. And buy lots of shoes. And never run out of vodka. So, okay. Three things to get you through life. 🙂

    • Lisa August 14, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

      I love you. Simply put. You are such an amazing woman. Who shares my lust over shoes and vodka. Never change 🙂

      • Blogdramedy August 14, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

        Damn. You’ll make me ruin my mascara. 🙂 I’m feeling the love, babe. Hope you do, too.

  5. Ned's Blog December 21, 2012 at 8:00 am #

    Ok, I realize I have a couple of things working against me here: 1) I just stumbled onto your blog this morning and this post was like, what.. four months ago? And 2), I seem to be the only man responding to this. That said, I found myself divorced and parenting my two children after 15 years of marriage. I had just turned 40. I went through many of the same things in the beginning — stretches of numbness followed by flits of hope sandwiched between trying not to cry in front of my children. On the second day…. (just kidding). I held out hope that I’d find the right person and was determined not to allow myself to be morphed into something along the way; whoever I found would have to be real, and we’d love each other for who we are, not what we want the other person to be. I’ve been remarried for four years now, to the Love of my life; each day I thank the stars for what, at the time, was the most difficult period of my life. If not for that, I wouldn’t have the rest to spend sharing it with the woman who allows me to see the world, in many ways, for the first time because of how we see it together. Judging from what you wright and how you think, someone will come along who will thank the stars for having you, too. Assuming you haven’t already… Sorry for getting here late. Cheers!

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