After 23 years of marriage, I filed for divorce this past February. Like all before me who’ve done this, at times I feel in equal measures sad, relieved, inspired and scared.
The process is fucking hard. With each document that needs to be filed, it’s like a part of me is being ripped out and laid on the ground for the world to see what a crumpled mess I am.
Ending the marriage opens the door for someone else to walk in – both ways. While I have someone in my life that is amazing and whom I love, the thought of my soon-to-be-ex husband re-marrying bothers me. For reasons I haven’t quite processed through yet.
I’m prepared for the ongoing roller coaster of emotions to wash over me like a tidal wave. And keep reminding myself that as I start over, I don’t leave the parts of me behind that matter, and that includes the parts from my past that are painful, but I know that I get to take the parts of ME that matter. And that’s the point.
Rinse and/or Repeat 
Why would you leave a marriage to then hope the door is opened for another 1. The furthest thing from your mind should be another marriage or committed situation.
For me, the idea of marriage again is not only too soon to even consider, but because of the pain of the big D, I’m not a fan of ever considering it.
I appreciate your candor and agree that ending one relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that another should be considered so quickly or easily.
Having been separated for more than 2 years, being in a new relationship now isn’t so dramatic. đ
I wasn’t saying that marriage should be off the table completely again. That’s like saying relationships should be off completely because of a bad break up. But I just kinda got the impression that you were willing to jump right back into 1 fairly soon.
But dating at this point is cool! Marriage would not be (just after 2 years of separation).
I know what you are dealing with. I finalized my divorce last July and just found out my ex remarried last Dec! I too am in a new relationship with someone I love and shouldn’t care what my ex does but on some level it hurts. Letting go completely of the past and moving on is easier said then done. I know I want to get married again someday and I know my boyfriend wants to marry me but it scares me to death! I say just see what each day brings and deal with as it comes. Cry on the bad days and laugh on the good ones and soon we will heal and then know when the time is right.
You are so right hon. They say it takes 2 months minimum for every year you spent with someone to get over the hurt.
So I’ll see what’s what in a couple more years!
When my ex-wife left after 20 years together back in 2006, I was devastated. I went to work but could only stay for short bursts. One minute I was hopeful, the next I was hopeless. As you described, it was a real roller coaster ride. I was a single dad with two young children who had had been with the same person since I was 19. But as I discovered, it really is about finding and taking the best of yourself with you into the next phase of your life. If you bring all the rest â like I saw a lot of people do, including some good friends who got divorced â that means taking up room with negative things that should have no place in your future. I didn’t want that for myself or my children. As a result, I found the absolute love of my life â also divorced with two young children â and we will be married for five years this August. I realized I was ready for a relationship when the thought of my ex being with someone else didn’t bother me anymore.
In fact, I felt relieved â and a little sorry for him đ
Ned, it sounds like everything worked out for the best with you. And I can totally relate the “work in short bursts thing”. It’s really surreal, isn’t it?
It’s a lot like the death of someone close; you know life goes on but will never be the same. The difference is, with divorce, things can actually get better.
Oh, and no one actually died… đ
My anniversary with the Mister is August 21. My ex’s is August 20. He always did have to come out ahead. I can laugh about it now but at first it hurt. But we’re both happier (I know I am) and that’s what really matters. You’ll get there.
Nice to see you back blogging. đ