It’s judgment day…

14 Aug

Although the ex-hubby and I have acquired a lot of property and assets (and debts), we agreed early on about how we would split the goods. And because we’ve been friendly during this whole time, we decided to forego mediators or divorce attorneys. After all, I’m very good at filling out forms, right?! I mean, how hard could it be to check some boxes, document the decisions, and be done with it?

California law mandates that a divorce cannot be final until a minimum of six months and one day has passed. In my mind, that felt like a short amount of time – but also like I had a lot of time! I should have kept a log of how many times I visited the court. How many hours I spent sitting on a hard bench waiting for my number to be called. How many times I had to amend my amended documents.

Now I understand why people hire others to do that shit for them. I’m wicked smart, but oh good gawd, did I make mistakes! This whole process also has also been more of an after thought for me – I agreed to do all of the paperwork and out of respect, I moved the process along as fast as my busy schedule would allow.

So I was surprised by what happened today. Since I filed all the right documents after countless tries, I was eligible to go to the court today and attend a workshop that would help me finish the process. Two hours with someone who would guide me through the right boxes to check – how easy would that be?

Actually, it was very easy – what was hard was sitting in a room hearing the other petitioners feeling joy over their upcoming freedom dates. The facilitator actually filled out a “cheat sheet” for each of us, identifying significant facts, like the date we filed, the date we separated, whether we had agreements or disputes. When I looked down and saw the date she wrote for me, for my judgment date, I choked up. Then I started tearing up. I didn’t have any tissue and there was none around. I mean, I guess they wouldn’t have tissue in this room, because after all, most petitioners are relieved and excited about being ‘free’.

I took my glasses off, carefully, but not surreptitiously, wipes the tears away from my eyes. I refused to look around and see if anyone was looking at me. I didn’t want to spoil their happiness with my sorrow.

I left him.

I chose this.

I didn’t want to be married anymore.

So why was I so upset? I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m still not ready for it to be over. Knowing that my last bond with such a wonderful man will end soon. Sooner than I thought.  And then what? Is he really out of my life? Weird how I’m looking forward to all the aftermath paperwork of title transfers, quit claims, and whatever else is needed to finish the process. Having been married to him for so long, I guess I want to prolong the inevitable.

Tomorrow, we will meet and sign our marital settlement agreement. It’ll be the last time I see him before he is free. I am not ready to think of myself as free, because my ghosts haunt me.

Judgment day is expected to be next Thursday, August 22. Or as I am now thinking of it: D-Day.Happily never after

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2 Responses to “It’s judgment day…”

  1. roseandlea August 15, 2013 at 12:49 am #

    I came across your blog and I have to tell you, I’m so happy I did!
    Wow. You have no idea how much I can relate to your stories, it’s crazy. I also left my husband after 20 years, was married at 20 years old. Only difference is we have 2 children.
    I just started blogging so I have not yet shared all of my wonderful divorce stories (good reading I know). I just went straight to the dating stories since it has been 6 years since my divorce. But those stories will be told, you can count on it.
    I think I will be staying up late tonight because I just can’t stop reading your posts.
    Great writing!
    Laura

  2. Blogdramedy August 15, 2013 at 5:21 am #

    It’s what we who’ve been there call a bittersweet experience. Hugs.

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