Tag Archives: assets

Then we talked…

22 Jul

I don't want to "see" you...

It’s been a little over five weeks since I left. It feels like longer yet it also feels like yesterday. It might have something to do with the surreality of separating after 23 years of marriage. Or possibly because I’ve been busy with this new life.

But over the past five-plus weeks, the husband hasn’t talked to me. Yes, email and text regarding bills and custody of the cabin, but not about why I left or how he feels about it or what the next steps are.

Until last night. When we talked over the phone for the first time. Since I got caught and fled the house.

Now here’s where I have to back the bus way the fuck up.

I joined Twitter last October to promote my blogs. I ended up meeting some interesting people and found a community that embraced my sarcasm and ogled my legs. I guess in large part it was that very attention that I was craving that held the tiny light in the night guiding me toward that fateful statement I made in June.

Ten days (yes, just 10 days) before that fateful night on the dance floor, I started chatting (a lot) with “someone”. The things we found in common was EVERYTHING. It was crazy and dare I say fated but I hadn’t even talked to him over the phone yet – so trust me when I say he is not the reason I left.

But I am now seeing him and I really like him a lot. We’ve gone a bit public on Twitter so if you’re following one of us you probably know who he is and that he’s a badass Rockstar.

So what’s this about me getting caught? Let’s just say, when you lie, you ALWAYS get caught. And I’m a shitty little liar.

Ironically, the husband also knows a bit about The Rockstar. Thank you to former friends for sharing inaccurate facts about him – I mean, wow, really?

Anyhoohaw, last night I talked to the husband for the first time and it was fairly drama free all things considered. In the hubby’s mind, I left him for The Rockstar. And that hurts like hell. But even though I didn’t have an affair while we were still living together, he won’t believe this. So after some finger pointing on the call we talked about the rules of our separation. They are fairly simple today:

  1. The Husband is going to start dating (knowing me, I’d probably like his girlfriend)
  2. We will get financial advice before deciding anything permanent (there’s a decent amount at stake to protect)
  3. I get to use the cabin or house on alternating weekends (and visitation with the puppies)
  4. The Rockstar is not allowed to stay at the main house or cabin (this was said in a somewhat menacing voice)

That’s about it for now. So what does this all mean?! This is going to be a long, long, process. But even so it feels right and while the old me would be impatient to drive this faster, the new me is getting buckled in and comfortable for the long ride ahead. And maybe popping some Dramamine (pronounced of course DRAMA-MINE).

Living on the edge…

28 Jun

Thank god for friends. Or thank Facebook really.

When I left my husband and house, I hadn’t first made a plan – I was literally packed for a trip but had nowhere to go. I started running the names of all my friends through my head and weeding out the names of friends who were ‘couple friends’ when the name Juli popped in there.

Juli is a friend of mine from high school who I lost touch with at 19 and reconnected oh-like-a-nano-second-ago via Facebook. We got together ONCE for drinks about 2 months ago. But… she is so laid back and it really felt like no time had passed. So when I called and asked if I could stay for a couple weeks, there were no questions asked – she said of course. Still amazed by this. Juli and her family are abfab wonderful and welcomed me and seriously let me come and go as I needed.

I knew I needed to find some place to live though. I really only wanted something temporary while figuring out what the hell we were going to do about the assets we spent a quarter of a century building up. Plus, I had made some long-range plans to share an apartment with another long-time friend who’s moving back to Cali from Chicago in the fall.

A room with a view...

So in the end I found a room to rent closer to my work. It’s actually quite nice – it’s a furnished master bedroom that’s been walled off from the house with an unobstructed view of the valley and a private entrance. And a fridge! So I moved in over this past weekend.

And amidst some drama (a) like staying at my house while the hubby went out of town (b) a swarm of bees building a nest in my attic (c) my dog Buddy getting stung by a bee on his paw (baby is fine) – I was able to get my shit together and all moved in so I’d have a place to call my own. After all, I’ve never lived alone. Never. NEVER.

Here’s the joy: When I went shopping for groceries, for the first time I was able to only think of what I wanted and that I didn’t have to stick to what I knew. Did I like colby cheese? Hmmm. What about Laughing Cow cheese triangles? So I bought them. And it was fucking awesome. And by ‘it’ I mean the ability to try something new.