Tag Archives: crazy

I’m not crazy…

14 Jul

It’s official. Yay me!

Given my dizzy bitch behavior and recent panic attacks, all my friends and family (well, all but one) said I absolutely must get some “therapy” now that I’ve separated. It’ll help me understand the “process” and give me clarity into what I’m “feeling”.

The old me would totally scoff at that idea. I mean, I didn’t talk to any of my friends or family before I blurted out on the dance floor “I don’t want to be married…” so why would I open my head for shrinking and mind fucking now?

Well, cuz the new me is more open minded… 😉

So I made an appointment with a psychologist to evaluate the level and depth of my need for counseling. It was today. She told me she would ask questions that had nothing to do with my medical history – things like “so what prompted you to blurt that out right then?” and “have you ever said or done anything inappropriate before?”

Anyhoohaw, after talking to me for 30 minutes she said “I’m not hearing that you are upset about the separation or worried about the process… what I’m hearing is that you have anxiety and aren’t breathing. Does this sound about right to you?”

Maybe just half-insane?

She said it in this way that made me feel both relieved and understood. Leaving my husband wasn’t easy but my biggest problems right now are stemming from the stress of the last year in coming to this point.

I don’t sleep well, I’m restless, and I’m not breathing right (she says this is normal thank fucking gawd) – all contributing to symptoms that have made me feel debilitated and embarrassed to a large degree. I mean c’mon now, I hyperventilated in front of someone recently (I will NOT go into details on that one!)

So as I search for meditation classes to find some fucking zen, I can say with absolute certainty “I’m not crazy”. Well, not any more than normal.