Tag Archives: Dating

Slowing it down…

1 Nov

A friend from high school contacted me via Facebook. I had been posting my divorce progress on there – so he sent me a nice message about how impressed he was that I was able to keep my divorce so amicable.

We chatted back and forth and he suggested we meet for a drink. Now, I’m all about drinks after work, so count me in! After all, he was someone I knew from high school, recently separated, and I figured he just wanted to find out more about the process of separation, divorce, and how to avoid throttling your ex.

Let’s call him High School Guy or HS Guy.

HS Guy met me at my favorite bar and let me just say, he is extremely charismatic in person. Tall, good looking, big smile. He has presence.

Small talk over martini’s turned into “do you remember” over martini’s which turned what-to-expect-when-you-leave-your-spouse over martini’s and before we knew it, there was a kiss.

By the time I made the 5-minute trip home, there was a text message from him saying how nice it was to see me. By the time I woke up the next day, another text wishing me a good morning.¬†And that’s pretty much how things started with HS Guy.

I told him I was just getting out of one relationship and not looking for a new one. That while I am open to dating him, I want nothing serious and will consider dating other men as well. And given his recent separation, he shouldn’t even be thinking about starting something with me. He agreed. Sorta. I’m pretty sure he didn’t like me being so honest about seeing other people, but he was understanding. And we did agree to take it slow.

The thing about getting attention from the opposite sex is that it’s very intoxicating. It’s like a drug and you crave your next fix. It allows you to be distracted from the problems in your life, escaping into a fantasy world of sorts. Imagining life is now better and brighter because you’ve heard from someone.

We saw each other a couple weeks later for another drink and continued to get to know each other through daily phone calls and multiple text messages. A couple weeks after that, we met for lunch.

The daily calls and text messages would continue, but no more making plans to see one another. On the one hand, going s l o w l y was smart, but on the other, the continued attention made me feel we were in a relationship I wasn’t sure I was comfortable being in.

He’d share the happenings of his day, and I would keep him posted on my daily shenanigans. He’d share concerns he had with his small children, and I’d listen and offer advice (being childless, I mostly used common sense.)

And while we weren’t physically seeing one another, I made it clear that I would not become involved with a married man. Because, while he may have been living apart from his family, his family home is where I suspected his heart truly was.

In essence, we had moved into the friend zone. So when it was time for him to take some much needed time off, he promised he’d decide what he should do (does he go home, or move forward…) While he was gone, he continued to send messages and pictures of the island he was on.

The time away was good for him. He came back feeling rested and clearer-headed. But he also recognized that despite what he wants, his children are his number one priority and he wasn’t really ready to get involved with me. I thought about being just friends, but once you put the idea of starting something new with someone, going backward just doesn’t feel genuine. Instead, we agreed that when he is ready to move forward, to give me a call.

HS Guy is a great guy. I wish him well and I walked away from that friendship knowing we are both better people for having been in each other’s lives for the past couple months.

Each relationship we have, whether all-encompassing, or light-hearted, tells us something about ourselves. So what did this tell me about me? That it’s okay to hit the pause button. After all, I’m in no rush.

Slow it down