Tag Archives: Hate

Don’t hate me…

11 Aug

This sentiment has been bouncing around my blonde head for exactly eleven weeks like a ping pong game, or maybe a game of just pong. Thudding its way back and forth, back and forth with mind numbing delirium.

DON’T HATE ME. I’ve said it out loud to all my former friends, to my estranged husband, to my family. The family forgives, the friends move on, the husband does not. So I say it over and over again, willing him to not hate me. To talk to me. To allow us both to move on.

It takes two to fuck up a marriage. Don’t ever assume because I left that I am the villain, yet most people do. Let me clarify: the people who know ME AS THE WIFE think I’ve lost my marbles and want nothing to do with this new woman who broke up the coupledome. I’m a paraya – insensitive and selfish. Right?

No. Not. Right. I’m getting tired of feeling the need for people not to hate me. Not to judge me. I’m now starting to find myself saying “Go right ahead and do your thing, judge away.

Because at the end of the day, when I’m taking off my makeup and looking at myself in the mirror, unmasked and vulnerable, I do so knowing that I’m living my life and what’s left of it. Finding amazing things about myself and my strength I never would have had I not left, and feeling excited about how I’m changing and seeing things.

So to those who hate me (or women like me) – find a mirror. Strip everything away. And then look yourself in the unmasked eye and see yourself. Do you hate what you see?