Tag Archives: inspiration

Back to school…

26 Feb

I never finished my college education, and while it hasn’t stopped me from excelling at work, achieving promotions and higher salaries, it did make me feel like I was missing something important. You know, an education.

salute to education

Late last year I decided what the hell, why not go back to college and get a degree? I can take courses online and one day I will matriculate my happy ass across a stage wearing a robe and cap and whoop it up. Provided of course, I get my degree before I’m in a walker.

See, I’m 49 now and will be 50 this year. I have many many many courses to take and seriously worry I’ll be retired before I get my coveted degree. Now, I’m not doing this to start work in a new field – after taking a peek today at my retirement, pension, and 403b plan from my employer, I am more committed than ever to stay a happy employee there until at least 2022 (that’s the earliest retirement date I can take to get my pension.) At age 56, I may have to take an early retirement just so I can go to school full-time.

My first college course is almost over – this is the final week and I have one essay left to complete. This course is called Success Seminar and teaches the value of a liberal arts education and prepares the student for success, including how to use APA format, how to research topics and sources, and how to properly cite them. In fact, we were given an assignment to choose a topic from our Issues For Debate in Sociology and write a thesis paper. I don’t recall EVER writing a thesis, and of course knew nothing up front about the structure of a research paper – the whole intro and hook, three paragraphs for the thesis’ main points, and conclusion. However, I think I did pretty well, in fact, I score a 94 on the paper. You can find it here and share a giggle with me. The topic I chose was Hip Hop. Yep, this 49 year old, white, suburban woman knows a shit ton about hip hop, yes? I totally relate to that culture and listen to underground rappers all the time. On the other hand, my thesis took a more commercial spin. If you read it, drop a comment and tell me what you think.

I’m glad I’m back in school – it’s opening my eyes to a lot more than I thought it would. The experience has been amazing so far. Next week, I start Psychology 101. Finally I’ll be able to interpret those crazy dreams of mine…

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My mother’s eulogy…

26 Jan
In loving memory... Feb 2013, La Rochelle winery

In Loving Memory… La Rochelle – Feb 2013

Mom died on December 27th. The next two weeks would be a flurry of activity for my siblings and me. My brother offered that he and Rod would take my mother’s beloved pets, Cooper and Dolly, which we shared with my mother when she may have still been lucid and for which I will always be thankful.

My sister will list Mom’s house as we will need to sell it.

And I will deal with all the finances.

My sister inherited the part of Mom’s creatively arty side so we quickly agreed that she’d take care of the memorial tribute video and reception, I’d sing Grace Potter’s “Stars” at the service, and each of us would give a eulogy.

I wrote mine through a blaze of tears. Here it is…

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I would have said that she was a dirty clothes whore, but maybe that’s just me.

I usually have witty things to say. Sometimes snarky, sometimes mocking, but rarely have I been at such a loss for words. Until I sat down to write something about my Mom.

I could regale you with her antics and shenanigans with me and my friends, many of whom are here today and very likely reliving their own greatest hits with Linda. I could share what a loving, vivacious, bodacious and giving woman she was. She lived life out loud, from her personality to her clothes and jewelry. Every single one of you already knows these things. Instead, I’m going to share how I feel about this loss.

I’m not ready to no longer have her in my life. I want to see her come in that door right now. I want to hear her voice, feel her touch. But she cannot walk through that door. She’ll never walk through that door.

She is gone. I don’t want to believe it. I’m not ready. I want more time. I need more time.

She is gone. I’ll never see her throw her head back and laugh with abandon. Or hear her chuckle over a good dirty joke.

I am mad as hell that I can no longer call her and hear her voice. Hold her hand as we walk into our favorite restaurants. Go wine tasting and hear her ask for “just a squidge more”. Soon, I won’t be able to smell her on her scarfs and shirts.

She is gone. I don’t want to accept it. It’s not fair. It’s wrong.

She is gone. She’ll never be able to kiss me or wipe my tears.

I’ll never be able to tell her again how much I love her. How proud I am to be her daughter and that I will always be thankful for her. For things that I got from her: her laughter, her sarcasm, her wit, her joie de vivre, her love of adventure, her unique identity of style, her flamboyant makeup, and for having the same size shoe so I could learn early on how to wear stilettos.

I had a most precious experience the night she died. I felt her. I felt this presence wrap around me and fill me with a serenity like no other. I have tried to describe what I saw and felt and I’ve found that there are simply no words to do this justice.

I am grateful and honored to have had her in my life.

She is gone. I am simply not ready to lose her in this world. HER – I simply feel lost without her.

I will always miss her. And I will carry my love for her with me always.

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Thank you dear readers for sharing this journey with me. It hasn’t been an easy road to travel, putting e-pen to e-paper and sharing the rawness, but it has been cathartic. If these posts help even one person prepare for the death of a loved one, it was worth it.

Be kind to each other, and especially, yourselves.

Mostly wordless Wednesday…

13 Nov

with broken wingsMy broken wings know

I will fly again one day

For I do have faith

#haiku #hope

Sharing the B-Love…

20 Aug

I am truly honored and blessed by such a wonderful blog community here at WordPress. You have liked me, commented on my journey, and many of you are following me like the train wreck I am.

So it’s with pure amazement that I tell you this – I was nominated for an award by Jodie Ambrose last week! Me!

It’s called the You Make Me Shine award and I’m just tinkled pink and swathed in curls and bows over being acknowledged in this fashion.

I started writing this blog to see how my recent separation was shaping decisions I was making. Like washing my hair, would I RINSE the soap out or would I REPEAT the process. So to find a group of people who get me, who like reading about my journey, and even award me for it, is just pure awesome sauce on top of a stack of chocolate chip pancakes!

Now – in the spirit of all things bloggy goodness, here’s how awards work…

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and include a link to their site.
  2. Nominate other people (you choose how many–whatever makes you happy).
  3. Write some bad ass things about yourself.

So here goes… My list of bloggers who deserve your attention, love, and devotion:

Blog Dramedy

Under the Kitchen Table

Suddenly (not so) Single Journey

Shouts from the Abyss

Staked in the Heart

As for some tidbits and insights into what makes me tick. Let’s see:

1) I work in website development which means I’m part geek-girl.

2) I live 10 minutes from where I work and I still can’t get to work by 9am.

3) I talk for my little Yorkie, Sparticus, because I know exactly what he wants to say but can’t form the words, what with being a dog and all.

4) My mom is 71 years young and says the best things to me, like “honey, don’t say pussy, I prefer va-jay-jay.”

5) I just bought a high-heeled red shoe door stopper. Because I can.

And if you like this blog, you may like my others as well. Feel free to check out Boldly Mocking and Life and Love After 40.

And thanks again to Jodie Ambrose for my nod. I feel like Sally Fields at the Oscars. 🙂

Wordless Wednesday

14 Aug

Serenity in the desert…

This is what the doctor prescribed and I’m going to take my medication as directed. I leave next week…

Who is Kony?…

13 Mar

The name Joseph Kony has been floating around not just the blogosphere, but Facebook, Twitter and everywhere in betwixt, prompting me to ask “Who is Joseph Kony” and maybe more importantly, “why would anyone want to make him famous?”

So I succumbed to peer pressure, watched the amazing video Jason Russell put together and felt inspired and enlightened and hopeful. Haven’t felt so inspired in a long time.

The crimes this terrorist has committed are just horrible. Abducting children from their homes, killing their parents and forcing the boys to mutilate and kill other children and forcing the girls to be sex slaves.

Yes, it’s imperative that everyone know who he is, that they care about humanity without borders, and that we keep the pressure on our government to keep our advisors in Africa to assist with the capture of this fucktard.

Reblog this – or write your own. Link this blog, or at least the video on your Facebook or Twitter feed, but most important, sign the damn pledge. It’s easy. Better yet, call your senator or congressman.

Here’s I’ll make this even easier… Copy and paste this link to your social networking site. Here it is: http://www.kony2012.com

For me, I feel empowered that we can in fact change the world. After watching the video, I bet you will too.

MAKE KONY FAMOUS.

Full of hope…

24 Feb

So the hubby and I are finally, after 8 months, splitting the expenses and some of the income. Yep, we’ve maintained joint checking, savings and credit cards, which was uber-fun during the holidays to see various expenditures he made for his girlfriend. You know, at places like Victoria’s Secret and Lingerie.com.

Of course, nothing could prepare me to actually seeing the lingerie in the flesh so to speak – my bad, I should never have gone into the spare bathroom that day.

Fade to black…

All the travel sized toiletries are kept in the spare bathroom. Since I started traveling again, I decided to raid the coffers at the house. As I enter the bathroom, the counter is littered with bags filled with all sorts of goodies, from lingerie, to cologne, to fur lined boots and jacket.

How do I know this you ask? I freaking peeked of course. I am after all, a GIRL. I really hope his girlfriend likes the lingerie and stuffz that I bought her.

So this had me step up and push a bit harder to separate our money – and this reminded me… WE HAD MONEY STUFFED INTO THE MATTRESS. Well, not the mattress, but hidden in the attic. Bingo!! Time to divvy the greenbacks.

At the same time, we both agreed, it’s time we used some of the Amex rewards points. Might as well 🙂

So the hubby decided to use some of his points on a fancy trip. But he needed more points than his portion provided. Aha! He asks me to sell him my points. Sure thing I told him, if he wants to give me some cash from his portion of the funds from the attic, I’m all in!

So last week, he came by with a wad of Franklin’s and I decide now is the time to get that new tattoo I said I’d get once things got stable post break-up.

Mine is prettier though 🙂

And I did! A 3″ Zibu Angelic symbol representing Hope.

You see, I am hopeful. And grateful too (but there was no symbol for gratitude or I would have done that.) The hubby and I are friends. We have laughed together and share a history and hopefully a future. Not as a couple, of course, but as good friends.

I have lots of hope. For health, wealth, happiness, friendship. Oh and for a pair of Louboutin’s and shiny hair. Because I am after all, a GIRL.