Tag Archives: shopping

My personal shopper…

19 Sep

I workout every morning from 6am til 7:30a then do my Wonder Woman thing (as The Rockstar calls it) so I’m all perty girlie and work ready. I work full-time and there is always something ‘to-do’ after wards. Groceries, martini’s, dinner. Whatnot.

So I shop a LOT on line. Overstock and Amazon are my go-to sites for quick and easy purchases. And if you’re buying something well, rather personal, the delivery guy just leaves it discreetly on your porch.

That is, until you move into a condo.

You see, packages left in a doorway at a condo or apartment are subject to theft more often than those left at private residences. Good to know – NOW!

I’ve met my neighbors: Upstairs, it’s Tubby Ted and his wife (wtf is her name?!?). Next door is Jean, her hubby and their yorkie CoCo. Above them is some terribly unfriendly woman with a weinerdog.

I have no suspicions any of my neighbors would steal my packages. They all seem like fine upstanding folk.

Wipe that smile off your face, Brown...

What I do wonder however is whether any of my neighbors know what’s in packages THAT THEY SIGN FOR WHEN I’M NOT HOME. Hewl, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the UPS man knowing what I’m buying, it sorta explains the smile and urgent knock on my door. I just don’t want my neighbors to have any clue about what I’m doing. Except when I’m outside smoking a flavored cigar. Or walking around my bedroom nekkid. But that’s a story for another post.

Anyhoohaw, turns out UPS delivered something a little special today, maybe just a wee bit naughty and holy shitballs batman, fuckety fuck if Jean didn’t sign for my package.

First thought other than “fucking A, finally it shows up” is “dear lord baby hayzeus, please tell me the return label doesn’t indicate it came from Candy Land or some shit”.

I guess tonight I’ll find out if I’ve been found out.

Setting up house…

27 Aug

It’s been a week since I moved into my new 1-bedroom condo. I’ve been super busy buying stuff. Which is fun, but also tedious. This new life is starting from scratch. Yes, I took some basic kitchen items from the house, but that’s pretty much it. I had the foresight to buy a bed and had it delivered on the first day I was here, but that’s about it.

So my week has been filled with tons of online shopping. Every decision I’ve made has been made alone and feels both exciting and scary. But as I press the “BUY IT” button, I’m filled with a sense of peace that each purchase puts me closer to independence and settling into this new life.

And every time the UPS guy knocks on my door, it’s like Christmas morning here. Rubbing my hands with glee, I tear into the boxes and look at all the new shiny objects I’ve bought.

Sticker shock...

But while I’m loving buying new stuff, I also hate it. You see, I gave myself a pretty low budget to set this place up. And every time I buy something it whittles away this seed money of mine. In the past, I didn’t give a rat’s ass how much money I was spending. I wanted something, I bought it. Now, I have to actually pay attention to things like comparison shopping and putting back something I want because I’m on a budget.

I DON’T WANT TO BE ON A BUDGET.

But alas, I am. Instead of buying my kitchen table at Ethan Allen, I bought it at a discount furniture place. The chair legs don’t feel that sturdy, but it’s within my budget. Instead of buying teak patio furniture, I bought aluminum zero gravity chairs, which actually are kinda comfy, but not what I’m used to.

I’m not complaining though. Here’s why: I am realizing that I don’t need the things I used to have. And while I might miss my Le Cruset pots, my food tastes just as good cooked in a cheap pot. And as I look around my mostly empty condo, I start to feel like I’m home.

Post Script: I did buy two new pairs of stilettos. Cuz after all, I’m a dirty shoe whore still.